Let’s Have The Talk

Illustration by Language of Birth

Friends,

It’s time to have the abortion talk. I’ve been vague in past posts for a few reasons:

1. Discussing something as gray as abortion often devolves into un-winnable black-and-white arguments. When people believe abortion is murder, and not only murder, but murder of a being that has the same soul and development and functioning as a live baby, there’s an uncrossable chasm of value-systems and belief. There’s nowhere to go.

2. Many people can’t have this conversation without name-calling. Or showing gruesome pictures or linking to articles full of rhetoric and devoid of science. And typically, people become apoplectic. It’s hard to discuss this without anger.

3. Not many minds will be changed over social media. (As much as I post, there *are* reasons for things I post. And I am very intentional in how I say them and what audience I’m talking to.)

But even with all these reasons, I’m going to wade into this conversation. It is high time to add my voice—not because I think my voice is more important than others, but because, as a woman, I must speak for my sisters (born and unborn).

A few rules if you’re going to comment:

**No name calling, unsolicited link posting, picture posting, or memes.

**Be considerate and kind. Recognize these two things: (1) some people who are reading most likely have had abortions, (2) no one in this discussion wants to kill babies (and if you believe that, I need you to step away from the 24-hour news cycle and your pastor’s Twitter feed, and really meet some people who have lived different lives than you).

**No reference to liberals or conservatives. Let’s talk as people imbibed with love and compassion.

**Hello, men! While I really appreciate you wanting to be a voice for the voiceless (hope to see you practicing that for all of humanity, not just the unborn), it is super inappropriate to speak over women in this thread. Until science makes it possible to implant a fetus in your body and carry it for 9 months and take drugs and have major surgery/push that fetus out through an opening the size of a grape, we can talk. But until then, the women get preference. Comment if you want, but this is your warning. Talking over women gets you muted and deleted.

**My last rule is I can add rules as I see fit. My page, my thoughts, my game.

So if I’ve kept people this far, let’s get started.

The article I’m referencing is here.

Slate is notorious for posting biased things, but the law is clear. (You can look it up!) The heartbeat bill (which has also been passed in four states this year alone) has many implications—most of them devastating for the most marginalized of women.

So Georgia (which, by the way, has some of the highest rates of maternal mortality in the country) has decided not only to ban abortions after 6 weeks, but potentially imprisoning (and killing) those who perform or have them illegally.

While I could talk about America’s incarceration rates (and the outrageous bias against black and indigenous people in the criminal justice system) or the absolute absurdity of murdering someone to punish them for “murder” (put in quotes, as I’ll explain below), that’s more than I can do in this post. That’s in the weeds. Let’s stay high level.

First, there is an exception for rape and incest and medical emergencies. Yet, if politicians and pundits and religious folk *really* thought abortion was murder, why would it matter if a pregnancy occurred because of bad circumstances? It’s still a life. So already, we see many of the staunchest anti-abortion advocates making concessions out of compassion. Which leads me to think that, for them, there’s something else at play than just thinking of abortion as murder. (Spoiler: it’s punishing people for what they believe is immoral behavior.)

Prosecuting women for getting abortions and sentencing them to death is an outrageous proposal. (And Georgia knows that—they’re just trying to overturn Roe v. Wade.) Have you had a miscarriage? Could you imagine the burden of proof you would be subjected to to prove that you didn’t intentionally cause it? Would you be arrested and have to bail out while the investigation took place? Would you have to take state-mandated pregnancy tests every month and be under a doctors care for all of your baby making years? (Again, for people who believe the government should be minimally involved, there are some interesting implications.)

It is estimated that nearly 1 in 4 women will have had an abortion by the age of 45. So let’s keep this in mind as we continue. How many women do you know personally in your life? Now imagine 1 out of every 4 that you’re talking to have had abortions. Are your conversations with women seasoned with grace and compassion or are you focused on labeling them “baby killers” and making it harder for them to receive much needed medical care?

The problem with believing that fetuses have souls (and the same rights as babies) is (1) that was never a biblical teaching, (2) there’s no scientific or biblical evidence for that, (3) the right to life becomes a right to being born, which then logically becomes a right to forced birth, which then logically becomes a right to forced sterilization.

Who gets to make decisions about who is born and to whom they’re born? I can see states coming back and saying, “Hey, we’ve got too many babies that we can’t support with welfare. Let’s go ahead and sterilize people who are on government assistance.” Or, “You know, our society can’t support kids with disabilities or genetic conditions, so let’s sterilize anyone who has a disability or medical condition.”  Does that sound far-fetched? Why? It’s in line with the same reasoning that calls for the death penalty.

I can show statistics that show legalizing abortion and providing access to good social services (free or affordable medical care, housing, livable wages, and sex education) actually *reduces* the number of abortions.

And this is why I think for most anti-abortion people, it’s not really about murdering babies as much as it is about punishing those deemed “immoral.”

Think about it this way. Why is there such a stigma around teen pregnancy? If abortions are evil and unwanted, those advocating for banning abortions would totally surround pregnant teen mothers with celebration and life and support because she has a LIFE in her. They would house and clothe and feed her because they’d be doing all that for the unborn soul in her body. And if abortions are evil and murder, then anti-abortion people would be shouting from the rooftops, demanding free healthcare and sex education and affordable housing because that has been proven to stop murder. If it’s about murder, then prevention would be loved and embraced.

If it’s about punishment, then social services would be refused, women would be left alone once the baby was born, and there would be 442,995 children left alone in foster care. But surely, it’s not about punishment?

Personally, my own beliefs about souls correlate with when fetuses reach the age of consciousness or viability (6 months gestation). Abortions don’t happen past 6 months—EXCEPT for a medical reason or social barrier (THIS is important right here.) They just don’t. Don’t let people tell you that women are choosing to kill their babies because they don’t want the hassle. Guys. It’s not happening. And if you think it is—show me. Show me the evidence. Because abortions after 6 months constitute only 1% of the population and happen when women are experiencing domestic violence, abject poverty, substance abuse, or mental health issues.

(Wouldn’t it make more sense to address the violence and poverty?)

One thing I learned in school was “never take something away without having something to replace it.”

If you are anti-abortion, HOW will you impact society to make abortion unnecessary? What societal (NOT personal) changes are you proposing and advocating for that will directly affect these women seeking abortions after 6 months?

Also, I don’t ascribe to the view that you have to care about everything equally all the time, but you cannot (as hard as you try), call yourself pro-life and support a million policies and laws that lead to the death of thousands of children and adults. Please have a consistent life ethic.

(Also, do not come at me with arguments about the private sector and churches handling all these problems. If they aren’t doing it now, why do you think they’ll do it when abortions are outlawed. Over 400,000 children in foster care and how many churches could at least pay for their food and clothes and housing while they’re waiting for families? It’s happening right now. You are not pro-life if you have no concern for lives different than yours. You are pro-punishment.)

I can talk for hours about bodily autonomy and things like forced organ donation (spoiler alert: we don’t do that, even when another life is on the line) or the mortality rate of birthing mothers (not fun to look at).

But the most important thing I want to say is this—quit shaming women and start valuing them. Punishment is not a value that people should hold—especially Christian people, who make up a large portion of anti-abortion advocates.

Thank you for listening. Please start with compassion in all you do...and then let’s start seeing the dignity of all.