highlighters

my teen study bible
was highlighted 
erratic
panicked 
marked with the certainty
of a 16-year old
and the fear
of a sinner

it’s funny
maybe
that those highlights never
saved me from
men who silenced
or boys who preened
at their own privilege

peacocks and muzzles
make for poor fellowship
but great showmanship

when i was 8
i refused to play
bulletin tic tac toe
with my friend
because
god was watching
and church is not
a playground

it’s funny
maybe
that being god’s prefect
came with no sash
and zero authority
but a lot of pride
and Divine flattery

kissing up to Jesus
makes for shaky beliefs
but great staged motifs

the church doesn’t
miss me
now
i highlight justice—not ink
i play games—not god

i’d like to think
the 16 year-old
who feared hell
would be proud of me

but i’m worried she’s busy
figuring out
how to live among all
the birds,
highlighters,
and hall monitors