anxiety

two days ago

an old friend knocked at my door
she invited herself in for tea
because apparently
anxiety doesn’t do 
social distancing

she’ll have
two sugars
three sugars
all the sugar
and maybe a snickers and
a york peppermint patty
two bags of chips
a coke
frozen chicken nuggets
with a side of self loathing

and i would ask her to use
something to catch her crumbs
at the very least
but she reminds
me that they’ll keep falling
cleaning is overrated
and the paper towels are all sold out
anyway 

she meets my daughter
and husband
rather rudely
and i can’t seem to stop her from
raising her voice
and her worry
in the middle of our dinner 

and i know i need to end it
with her
they say toxic relationships
are no good for the heart
or soul
but this one tells me secrets
no one else knows 

like how we’ll all die
if i don’t keep her around
and how she protects me
from worst case scenarios
and spiders 

so i make her tea
and she silences my texts
and we watch Netflix
because keeping her happy
is the only thing I know how to do
when everything else
is on fire
and no one else
is knocking
at my door